#nerdlution: I'm In

I like being part of an online community of educators and writers and readers and super creative people. Currently I'm in awe by #nerdlution.

The official #nerdlution button!

It started on a whim. A couple of friends talking about the importance of accountability and wanting to establish some new habits.

Then Chris Lehman threw down a challenge involving an obscene number of pushups.
Colby Sharp created a hashtag.
And told the story of the first murmurs here.

And I was swept away by the phenomenon.

I committed to a word count goal.
I attempted to be realistic.
Rational.
Practical.

If I would have taken time to think it through I wouldn't have committed.
Sometimes I think this writing adventure is simply a pipe dream.

Then I do something concrete.
Like announce a word count goal as my #nerdlution contribution.

Suddenly I'm in.
Deep.
My Twitter feed is ecstatic.

And I could say:  

Oops, sorry. I really meant I just want to eat breakfast someplace other than my car or put lotion on my legs or make sure I have socks that match and remember to put mascara on both eyes.

My #nerdlution friends would understand. I wouldn't understand, though. I can't walk away from the commitment I made. This is what #nerdlution is all about. Choosing to do something that you know will make you happy, then having a group to hold you accountable and celebrate when you do the thing you thought was too hard.

So I'm sticking with my #nerdlution buddies.

After all, the reason they are my friends is because they've got moxie.
And they remind me that I do too.

I will write for a 50 day streak.

550 words a day. 
#nerdlution

Sustenance

From Merriam-Webster Online

Sometimes life stops you. You think you can do it all, get more done, be everything to everyone. It doesn't matter if there are too many tasks on your list. It doesn't matter if you have a flat tire. It doesn't matter if your kids have fits because this idea of a forever family is overwhelming. It doesn't matter that you are squeezing doctor appointments into an already jam-packed schedule. It doesn't matter if you are bruised. It doesn't matter if your husband has an increased schedule at work, so tag-team parenting is in its 9th round. It doesn't matter if your head starts pounding. It doesn't matter if your stomach churns.

Well, maybe it does. And maybe that list, although using the pronoun you, doesn't really apply to you, but it does to me. And eventually I realize I can't do it all.

And that's okay. 

So even though I stay home and try not to think about how much I'm not doing, I'm somehow getting the needed sustenance. It is straight from the Lord.

It was about mid-morning that I realized this is part answered prayer and part preparation for my next writing project. I never thought a rough day could be the work of a writer, collecting fodder for a writing project. But it is. I'm writing it in my notebook even though my stomach still stings and my task list is still long.

The project I've been planning and am ready to begin writing toward a daily word count until the draft is down, isn't fiction and it isn't a professional book. I'm not sure what it is or what it's about. Maybe a little bit on faith. Maybe a little bit on adoption. Maybe a book you might pick up when you need a little inspiration.

I do know the message, though.

Life is for celebration, not survival.

 Before Tuesday I was a little afraid to say it aloud. I wondered if maybe it was rose-colored and I am inadequate to write a book with this kind of message. Maybe I haven't lived long enough to say, even through the rough patches, life is meant to be celebrated. Compared to most, I know I haven't even really had rough patches. I've been shifting through this message, wondering if it is a universal truth, or only something for my little bubble of the world.

It is not a coincidence that Tuesday happened. I was hesitant to put the words on the page, but I needed to test my hypothesis. When life is hard, is celebration possible?

Sure, it was only a day, but it was also a lifetime -- remembering the hard patches, remembering my reactions are choices, remembering the way it feels in the thick of a fallen world. I was attacked on all fronts -- professional, personal, mind, health, and faith. My world fell, just for a moment, and I was reminded I can still have joy when my identity is in Christ.

Today is a new day. Although I'm still feeling the residual effects, I'm empowered. I'm empowered to live celebration and I'm ready to commit to putting words on the page. I'm not afraid of this project any more.

I have you to thank. Those who left a comment or  sent a text or dropped an email or wrote a message on FB. Thank you. There are all kinds of ways to collect for a writing project. Once again, I'm reminded the writing process can't be contained in a tidy lock-step plan. And writing is never a solitary act.

I'm Afraid

I'm afraid of writing. 

I'm thinking I don't have anything worthwhile to say, that I'm completely inadequate, and who am I to think I could write a book that people would want to read?

At the same time, my brain has been hijacked and my thoughts bump over each other, planning and percolating, and demanding to come out on the page.

My pen freezes over my notebook and the thought of opening a Word document makes me catch my breath. Once I add a folder called just write in this project folder under the book ideas file, then it is real. My life will be usurped and I will have to live among laundry piles and squeezed-in runs and early mornings clacking words.

And what if all of those words fall short? What if pouring my soul into this project turns out that it isn't enough and my story doesn't matter? What if this time the words stop coming and I realize that maybe I'm just a pretend writer after all?

These what ifs could go on for years. Yet, there is something stronger than all of those doubts and lies and worries.

It is a greater risk to not write than to risk that all of those what ifs might be affirmed. 

So I'm rereading these words and I'm believing that writing is not a waste of time and I'm not ridiculous and I can weave words in ways that tell stories and reveal truths and touch souls.

Just write. One word and another word and stack those words each day to reach 1000 then a chapter and another and another and a book.

Just write.

where the story leads {for the Two Writing Teachers Community}

The world tells us to want everything pristine and ship-shape and perfect. We go to great lengths in order to keep things whole. But what if it is in the broken mess that the best things in life emerge?

Consider a broken crayon or a broken cookie or a broken circle. Often it is by splitting apart that we can reach out and touch others. Sometimes when things are broken they end up serving more, making more good in the world than before.

Today marks a break in my writing life. It is the end to a six year writing partnership on Two Writing Teachers with Stacey Shubitz. Last week I wrote to Stacey:

So this isn't a goodbye -- far from it -- because I think this will allow us to simply be friends without all of the other demands of writing together. This says a lot about our relationship. There are few writers who can work together for as long as we have and remain friends. To me, this is our greatest accomplishment. Although it does feel like I'm walking away from a huge part of my writing life, I'm trying to remember at the same time I am also walking toward something else.

Stacey has walked alongside of me through the twists and turns of many life changes -- becoming a mother three more times, publishing two books, writing for Choice Literacy, and learning to embrace imperfection.

Life changes and a new adventure is calling. It is time to see where the story leads and to find out if I'm brave enough to follow it. It's time to make space for the story knocking around inside of me.

Not only am I grateful to Stacey, but I'm thankful for the years of learning and the Two Writing Teachers community. Because of you I found my voice and learned my words matter. You've helped me become who I am meant to be and have confirmed it is more important to be genuine and authentic than to be influential and significant.

You fuel me to write real and raw. You empower me to be bold and brave. I'm afraid I will miss you.

But just like I said to Stacey, this isn't good bye. I'm not walking away from writing or teaching. I'll still be here, in this little corner of the world.

Writing.
Listening.
Being real.

Discovering. Playing. Building. 

Sharing my story and hoping it inspires you to tell your own.

In order to make it easy to find my writing, I'd be honored if you follow me in these online spaces:

Facebook {Discover. Play. Build.}

Twitter @ruth_ayres

Pinterest @ruth_ayres

Instagram @ruth_ayres

And, of course, all of my words will now live here, at Ruth Ayres Writes {Discover. Play. Build.}.

gasp!

I can't believe it's August and I forgot.
{deep breath}
WFMAD.
{an experience that made me believe I could maybe, perhaps, actually write fiction}

Write Fifteen Minutes a Day, a writing challenge hosted by Laurie Halse Anderson on her blog, Mad Woman in the Forest, is something I've participated in for several years. I love it.

In an effort to embrace what I can do and let go of the things I don't do, I'm going to be excited that I remembered and happy to have TWO fifteen minute writing experiences for the next week, as I double up and relish in the surprises that always come with WFMAD.

I hope you join. It's always more fun to do something together.

I'm off to spend some time with my notebook. Here's today's challenge.

{discover.play.build.} "hands" list

I was reading b.'s blog, Live...Write...Teach..., and was reminded of making a hand list. I first saw this strategy in Penny Kittle & Don Grave's Inside Writing. I'm glad b. reminded us of it. Read her post and then make your own (or one for a character, which is what I did).

What do your character's hands touch?

(discover.play.build.) images

Kristina McBride shared in her presentation that she often turns to iStockPhoto for inspiration. A few nights ago I played a little with the site. It has a nice search feature and tons images. Here are eight images that have helped me gain a clearer understanding of the story beginning to swirl in my mind.

Photos from iStockphoto intended to help me
get to know the story.

It's fascinating to me the way a story world can be built. I've noticed I take a lot of time allowing the characters and setting to take root in my mind. I like to have a strong understanding of the characters before I begin drafting. However, there are things that are only revealed through the act of writing, leaving a delicate balance between getting to know characters and the story world and settling in to draft the story.

How do I know when it's time to begin drafting? I'm not sure, exactly. I suppose my fingers start itching to type and the characters' voices start getting louder. I move from lists and sketches and collections in my notebook to writing scenes and the scenes start filling several pages. It is then I know it is time to start drafting.

Currently I'm playing with this new story world. I'm discovering the things I need to know in order to draft well. I'm also revising the ending to my first YA story and preparing the query letter, which I intend to have prepared to go after the holiday. I don't want to start a new draft and fully immerse myself in a new world until I've finished revising the ending on the story I want to query with. After that, it'll be nice to have my focus and energy on something besides waiting for a query response.

(Link Love Notes: You can download a comp with a watermark for free to use as inspiration, however, if you are going to use the image for publication purposes then you'll need to purchase it using credits on iStockPhoto. I've spent the last hour searching for instruction about citing these images and have come to the understanding that if I'm using the image in a final product then I must purchase it and give credit. This is not intended as a final product, simply a way to jump start creative juices and get a stronger understanding of my characters, their lives, and the setting of a novel.)

{discover.play.build} writers make plans.

Each time I start a new notebook I use one of the beginning pages to dream up some plans. New writer's notebooks have such potential and I like to tap into that energy by listing possible writing projects. I fill a page (front and back) with as many single phrase descriptions of potential writing projects as possible. I've done this for more than ten years (ever since I started my first writer's notebook). Just like there are new ideas with each new notebook, there are also ideas I list again and again.

I like thinking about writing plans. Whether you are starting a new notebook or in the middle of one, will you make a list of potential writing projects? What kinds of stories, essays, poems do you want to write?

what's holding you back?

(This is cross-posted on Two Writing Teachers.)

There are a million reasons why we don’t have time to write. What are yours? What is keeping you from putting words on the page?Today take some time to think about the things that are holding you back. Put them on the page so you can move on and spend the summer discovering, playing, and building ideas in your writer’s notebook.

My permission slip taped to the cover
of my current YA WIP notebook.

Your entry can be doodles or a web; a list or prose; a letter or a poem. It doesn’t matter. Just get the excuses out of your mind and onto the page so you can be free to play in your writer’s notebook this summer. And just in case you need it, here is a permission slip. I hope it fits in your writer’s notebook. Also, there is an extra one you can give to a friend. It’s always better to have a friend along with you on a writing adventure.

It is my hope you will share your writing adventure in the comments.