grace for myself {CELEBRATE This Week: 189}

Typically we celebrate Friday around 10 pm through the weekend. I always leave the link-up open for a few days more, though. I think celebration is an act of resilience rather than a scheduled event. So, today, even though the weekend has come and gone, I'm giving myself grace and offering a public celebration. Thanks, Ramona, for your sweet nudges of love to keep pressing on even when I think it's too late.

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I try to write celebration posts early on Friday mornings. I like the organic nature of celebrating in real-time alongside of this community rather than scheduling it several days in advance. This is a noble idea in theory, but sometimes difficult in reality. 

Last Friday, after the kids were in bed and before Andy and I were ready to watch a crime show, I knew I needed to open my computer and set the celebration link-up in motion. I also knew if I did then I would be too tired to watch a show with Andy. I decided time with Andy trumped the celebration link-up.

I woke up on Saturday with excitement for being home. It's been the first Saturday for more than 7 months when we didn't have to go anywhere. I planned to do things like laundry and going through the basket in the kitchen with important papers and washing the baseboards. First, though, I was going to celebrate.

Then I saw the bananas. They had one of two destinies: compost or banana bread. I decided to make banana bread. I also decided not to rush. The banana bread baked and filled the house with the aroma of time. Not-so-little kids found their ways to the kitchen. I made hot chocolate, hot tea, orange juice, and chocolate milk. They sat in the kitchen. I sliced the banana bread.

I poured dark coffee for Andy and sat at the kitchen table with him. The back door stood open and birds sang melodies of time. I didn't rush.

I have to be proactive about not rushing. There is so much I like to do in a day. If I'm not careful, the day is over and I'm tired. We're not designed to be tired.

At some point, I decided it was best not to open my computer. My feelings argue, trying to determine if I should feel ashamed of this truth. I type and delete, type and delete the apology that I feel should follow this admission of deciding not to post the celebration link-up. Yet, by contrast, I'm delighted by the bold move to not open my computer.

Ideally, I would decide to go dark ahead of time. I would have scheduled the link-up in advance. It would have all went without a hitch and no one would know I retreated. I would have been a "good" blogger.

It was pointed out to me years ago that I don't meet the standard of "good" blogger because I'm not always reliable. I've berated myself enough for this over the years; I do not need to do it now. In fact, it's why the celebration community is an open invite with deadlines fashioned in ish terms. It opens on Fridays around 10-ish. It closes at the start-ish of the week. I do deadlines like this because this blog was designed with open arms for all writers in all walks of life. This blog was created so I had space to be myself as a writer. The truth is, sometimes I decide not to write at a scheduled time.

Life is hard enough, we don't need to be belittled for missing a deadline. 

I wrote my very first blog post on March 23, 2006. Since then I have blogged collaboratively and independently on nearly 10 different blogs. I'm not always predictable in my posting, but I continue to be a blogger.

Perhaps it's having more than a decade of blogging under my belt... 

Perhaps it's that I'll be turning 40 in a few months... 

Perhaps it's that I've finally accepted that life is what it is...

But I have finally come to terms that I can be a good blogger and miss a post. 

This is possible because I have a tribe full of grace. You, my dear friends, are my celebration. I write because you read. I write because you care about my story and not about pre-scheduled blog posts. I write because you are there on the other side of the screen. 

Thank you for letting me be more than a good blogger. 

Thank you for the gift of letting me be me.

I can't think of a better reason to celebrate post-deadline than this. One day, when the humans who call me Mom outgrow their teenage years, I will hope to be a "good" blogger. Until then, I'm going to celebrate the impossible -- I have a tribe despite the unfavorable conditions of the way I blog.

[If you have a link you want to share, please add it to the comments. Thanks for celebrating.]