change is coming (sols)

I returned to school cold turkey this year.
No candle.
No chili.
No new school shoes.

Nothing.

Two days before my first day this conversation happened:

Andy: You go to school on Monday? Like two days from now?
Me: Yes.
Andy: No...you have to be joking around. You really go to school on Monday?
Me: I'm not joking. Monday I start school.
Andy: Where did the summer go?

I'm not sure, because I didn't let go of summer at all.

But it's gone.

I don't think I'd do it differently, because even though I didn't transition, the kids are. They return to school on today. All last week they followed a school schedule for bedtime and a summer schedule during the day. Then there was the Last Hurrah of Summer yesterday.

It's good for them to realize change is coming.

But this doesn't make it easy.

Sometimes when kids have a history of being uprooted, any change -- even expected change -- can make for a bit of a rocky time. And even though they are excited, they are also anxious and nervous and even scared. They know in their brains there isn't a reason to be scared but their hearts feel differently.

So the emotions are raw and close to the surface. No! is always on the tip of a tongue. Defiance is a go-to comfort. And the words runrunrun from the mouth.

This momma might just have had enough. And then...

They snuggle with me as we read Because of Winn Dixie.
"You've gotta see this, Mom" as they show me the latest Lego creation.
I am pulled by the hand out to the back yard, and they show me their latest bike trick.
I pull the brush through the long hair and form the braid strand by strand.

They hug tight. And I know, despite all of the turmoil, this is going to be okay. They are going to get through. And I am enough to shoulder their fears and nerves and concerns.

Change starts today.
We will manage.